It was in my dream that you were my loved one
Just as you are in the waking world
We shared common passions and spoke the same tongue
And had a whole future to look forward to.
It so came to pass that we planned to go jogging
I put on my shoes and put study on hold
But I was distressed there was much to be done
I put it aside just to spend time with you
I ran from my house to find you and meet you
But then I discovered you’d changed your plans
You met a friend and blithely cancelled our programme
And thought to appease me we’d run a short way
In the dream I was really upset by this trifle!
I think it was less about running itself
Than the thought that my wants were so easy discounted
The gift of my time thanklessly turned away..
I could not prevent the hot tears that started;
The hurt that I felt burned within my breast;
And at the display of my grief you were startled
You fell silent and I sobbed myself to sleep.
As I lay still with eyes closed after crying
My senses told me you spoke low-voiced nearby.
I was waiting for you to draw close and console me,
But the counsel you kept warned to leave me to weep.
And because you never approached me again
I did not see you for a terrible time.
I said to myself if you cared you would find me
But you never came back; I was left quite alone.
Years passed and I must have been abroad for a while,
For a couple I knew now had two lovely kids.
I cuddled the elder, a girl, in my arms
And a pang came: These children could have been my own.
At this time I found out you’d become a doctor.
I met you by chance at a formal to-do.
You gave me a glance and I gave you my number
But you never spoke though I was dying for you.
I knew where you worked so I called. I began
By asking for “‘Mr. —’ - no - ‘Dr. —-’” instead.
It was so strange to think you were the doctor now.
I had premonitions of what lay ahead.
A voice on the phone told me to check my mailbox.
I put my hand in and drew out a package.
An envelope, air-mailed, with photos inside.
I guessed beforehand at the tale of your marriage.
Your wife was a petite and beautiful woman.
Intelligent-looking; her face was quite grave,
But she smiled a lot; I liked her when I saw her,
Though my heart sank and I found it hard to be brave.
There were photos of you on the beach and at home.
They were carefully chosen with a gentle hand.
I knew you cared for me still, for you took this trouble
To break it to me. I watched you in the sand
And my heart cried and cried: This is my life
With you that I should have lived. This is the woman
That I should have been, with her head on your shoulder
And the children - I could not look any more.
And after that I wondered what had gone wrong.
Had you loved me so little, that my tears long ago
Had signalled to you not to soothe my distress
But to draw back from me? had they told you to go?
Likewise some force had stopped me from going to you -
The thought that you’d come back if so you had wished;
I sensed if I begged you to take me in your arms
When you did not want me - it was finished.
But what of the love and the like mind between us
When we felt it was this love or not any more;
what of the time when the world would have ended
Before we let go of the fealty we swore?
With these questions I called your office again;
But the voice on the line said that you were not in.
I guessed, too, that you did not want to address me
Because you feared feelings of love, guilt and sin.
Then I woke up to find that it had just been a dream.
Who knows better than I how dreams rarely come true!
But I had felt all of the feelings before,
A reality. Thank God, it hadn’t been you.
It is good to see everyone again after months away, especially Dawn. We managed to draw our old room back, the one we had in M3 - so we’re now one floor directly above our last-year’s room, with our soul-refreshing panoramic sea-view again 
