Scientists find way to erase memories in mice
It seems like a movie plot, but scientists have developed a way to erase specific memories in mice while leaving others intact and not damaging the brain.
By manipulating levels of an important protein in the brain, certain memories can be selectively deleted, researchers led by neurobiologist Joe Tsien of the Medical College of Georgia reported in the journal Neuron.
While some experts have suggested there could be value in erasing certain memories in people such as wartime traumas, Tsien doubted this could be done as it was in mice. Tsien also questioned the wisdom of wiping out a person’s memories.
“All memories, including the painful emotional memories, have their purposes. We learn great lessons from those memories or experiences so we can avoid making the same kinds of mistakes again, and help us to adapt down the road,” Tsien said in a telephone interview on Thursday.
….The 2004 film “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind” explored the idea of selectively erasing memories. Two former lovers undergo procedures to wipe out the memory of one another after their relationship falls apart.
“If one wants to get rid of a bad relationship with another person, and is hoping to have a pill to erase that person or relationship, it’s not the solution,” Tsien said.
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From time to time I get an attack of the “BLACKS” (not merely ‘blues’), and one such attack descended on me recently, putting me in a foul temper and resulting in my becoming exceedingly quarrelsome for a few days. It actually started more as a “grey” but by last night it had become a heavy, angry, rage-swollen, thundering cumulonimbus. The only person whom I lashed out at was Zichun, though – and his only fault was that of having been the only male within striking distance! Oops.
Ever since I had a final conciliatory conversation with Mr Nearly about a month ago, I felt a huge sense of relief. I thanked God that it had come to a peaceful end, and thought things were back to normal - indeed, I do feel that I have largely reconciled with the person that he is now… it’s impossible to feel angry with him when I do actually see him. We agreed to be civil and polite to each other and act normally when around each other (which I’m better able to do now compared to before).
After he pointed out that blogging about my anger SO MUCH is probably giving others a negative impression of him, I’ve also decided not to express my anger in blogging. He said, “Just because I don’t express it as much as you do doesn’t mean I don’t care”. (Probably the most healing sentence he’s said in 3 years.) After all, I guess my anger is nothing more to do with him. We’re out of each other’s lives completely. It’s my own problem now – all this anger that is simmering because of past hurts, and it is the past which I grieve about and rage about, not anything which he is now. The magnitude of my anger does not reflect the magnitude of any “villainy” on his part, I guess – he just acted like a guy, that’s all. I mean, 80% of guys have done/ would probably do the same. So he’s no monster; just an ordinary guy. As I told Steffy, “While I still feel sad about everything, I guess I’ve learnt not to take it so personally… cos it’s gender differences and I can accept now that most guys would have acted the same way”, and she agreed, saying something along the lines of “if a guy acted that way I’d be sad, but I wouldn’t be surprised“.
But that left me with a lot of pent-up rage with nowhere to go – because it’s like I have an unclotted wound in me which keeps bleeding and bleeding rage and anger, no matter that the original hurt was long ago and there has been no new hurt for a long time. It just piles up unconsciously, and from time to time a truly BLACK MOOD will come, settling on everything, clinging to and colouring all memories like a pestilence. Like a curtain closing down to shut out the sun, my view of life becomes entirely dark – and at such times the only poem that can express how I feel is probably Tennyson’s “Be near me when my light is low”. And I feel such anger, that I can’t even tell anyone about, and I can’t even write about out of courtesy, and most of what goes through my mind would be unprintable anyway. : P Such was the anger that got me started on long-distance running in the first place.
It’s been a long grieving process – the loss of a relationship is like a death, after all, and these are not things that one can forget about so easily. In this case there was also an element of an abnormal grief reaction, because of the circumstances in which things ended and the lack of closure. Mr Nearly used to say, “It’s been so many years already!” but I’m sure if he gave a bit more thought to it he’d understand that these are things that one will never be able to forget or stop feeling sad about. I’ll always be sad when I think about him, I guess, for the rest of my life. And if I let myself think too much about it I’ll cry, no matter how old I become. The aim is to let as many other things into my life as I can, redirect my energies to more worthwhile things, so that I won’t have the TIME to let my mind drift back to all these memories : P
But anyway, yes, meanwhile, there is the problem of these black moods, when my mind goes over and over all that was said, like a broken tape recorder, and I feel so much disgust at the male behaviour patterns that could allow this kind of thing to happen, and also regret for all the stupidity and utter brainlessness on my part… If I had been more godly, more mature, more self-respecting, how could I have allowed such things to happen? And then the impact that it had on my studies, etc etc… Can think until you don’t have to do anything else already. At such times I’m completely consumed by feelings of worthlessness.. reinforced by everything he said, no matter how unintentionally disparaging, every single hurtful thing, every patronising thing, every slight… This is the legacy of our relationship, I guess… a legacy of rejection and insecurity. There were so many things said to make me feel unwanted and undesirable, completely negligible, and none to reassure me or make me feel that I had any worth, probably because he didn’t believe it anyway. I wonder if I did the same, though – perhaps I returned the favour exactly, and the memories he has of me are also of someone who only made him feel worthless. (Hmm.. but then again… I distinctly remember saying a lot a lot of nice things to him.. haha… POOH… if only he had extended the same courtesy to me!) We were admittedly terrible for each other.
Anyway, these black moods have had a demonstrably negative impact on my life. I can be completely paralysed the day or two before a test or exam (it has happened to nearly every exam I have taken in the last few years – because the time we are given to study is also particularly conducive to thinking about the past and triggering off a black attack) – not to mention my poor friends who happen to be in the way and have to endure my tears or, worse, become victims of my irritability. They’ve been getting less and less frequent; in fact, the latest one has been particularly bad, I haven’t had such a bad one for about 4 months already. I know with my head that I have to forgive, and I try, but when I’m angry I turn into The Hulk; I can’t stop my rage… And I know being angry is the complete opposite of what I am supposed to do, which is to LOVE and FORGIVE… but how to be loving when all I can think about is my own hurt and how much damage was done that can never be repaired, NEVER, not even by saying sorry?
It’s because at such times I can’t think about anything but myself, and I can’t accept my losses and move on. I’m demanding recompense and recognition, and I want people to fuss over me, when actually it’s not a very big suffering compared to what most other people in the world are going through. It’s time for these black moods to come to an end. I was thinking to God this morning, “What I really need to hear is a message of forgiveness and letting go of anger”… and sure enough, He knew exactly what to do for me, and the message that we got at church was exactly that – about forgiving people who have hurt you and done you wrong, and not bearing grudges.
After that, my pastor and his wife prayed for me – I told them that I had a lot of anger and needed to forgive some people. They prayed, and assured me that God had used everyone who had hurt me as an instrument in my life, tools to shape me into the person He wants me to be, and without this hurt I would not be able to be who He wants me to be. Also, the pastor said that it’s not about trying to let go of anger, but about giving forgiveness.
So, yeah, I guess I have to remember once again that it’s not about ME or my feelings… and I shall not waste my life brooding over the past which God has told me over and over again to forget. I know that God allowed everything to happen to me for a reason, and that He was around, and watching, and loving me, even when all the hurtful things were being said… God was in charge of the situation all the way, allowing it to happen, and He was there all the time to tell me the opposite – to reassure me that I DID have worth, I DID deserve to be loved, and that He wanted me and would be there for me no matter what happened. I was worth dying for, and He had died for me and for all the mistakes that I had made and that I was ever going to make.
I guess I have gone through a lot of wrestling with the issue of forgetting – because what makes me upset are my memories of the past, especially the words that were said. Also, there is the knowledge that I am probably the only one who remembers most of what happened, because in light of subsequent events, I think it meant a great deal more to me, and all his words meant a great deal to me. After I lost Mr Nearly to what I perceived as forgetfulness I was so troubled by the issue of forgetting that encounters with Alzheimer’s patients used to make me cry. I also cried uncontrollably after watching “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind”, the Jim Carrey/Kate Winslet show which won an Oscar in 2004 for Best Original Screenplay.
But in the end, I think I decided that if I had to choose between having a mind-wipe and no grief, and having all the memories and all the sadness, I would choose the latter. After all, grief is a tool used by God to shape me into the person He wants me to be, and if there were no suffering or sadness in our lives we would never grow as people or be able to be more sensitive in turn to the needs of others. Someone who wants to be only happy in life would be selfish, because there’s no way you can help others by only being happy.. one has to look around and see the needs of the world, and grieve for others’ needs before one can help to fill them, just as one has to grieve for one’s own troubles before one can become bigger than them, and big enough to help others with their troubles as well.
The title of the show “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind” comes from the poem “Eloisa to Abelard” by Alexander Pope (written by Heloise in the convent trying to rid herself of her love and longing for Abelard, her former tutor and lover before his – um – punishment and their forced separation by her family).. At the time the poem is written he, too, has accepted the outcome and moved on, but she hasn’t. Here’s an extract:
Of all affliction taught a lover yet,
‘Tis sure the hardest science to forget!
How shall I lose the sin, yet keep the sense,
And love th’ offender, yet detest th’ offence?
How the dear object from the crime remove,
Or how distinguish penitence from love?
Unequal task! a passion to resign,
For hearts so touch’d, so pierc’d, so lost as mine.
Ere such a soul regains its peaceful state,
How often must it love, how often hate!
How often hope, despair, resent, regret,
Conceal, disdain — do all things but forget.
And the passage containing the famous line -
How happy is the blameless vestal’s lot!
The world forgetting, by the world forgot.
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!
Each pray’r accepted, and each wish resign’d;
Labour and rest, that equal periods keep;
“Obedient slumbers that can wake and weep;”
Desires compos’d, affections ever ev’n,
Tears that delight, and sighs that waft to Heav’n.
While none of us who hope to live in this world can be “blameless vestals” sheltered from the woes of the world or able to keep from mourning over it (and there would be a problem with us if we could see the woes and not mourn), I guess what is expected of us is simply to tread wisely so that we can keep our emotions composed as best as we can… and for the rest, to remember that God loves us and forgives us, which alone can give us the resolve to love and forgive others as we have been loved and forgiven.
I need to remember to stop looking and thinking about myself as well, and to redirect my energies to more positive things, and things that will actually be fruitful - investing my energy in other people’s lives and in my studies! There’s no time to lose mourning over the things that could have been when God has so many other things in store for me to be and do – the future that He has for me is infinitely richer and full of Life than any future I can imagine for myself. And I must keep remembering that I am very small, and my troubles are of little account – compared to God’s will for my life, what he wants me to do for Him, and His greatness and goodness and incomparably great power for all who believe.
I guess in practical terms the God-oriented ”spotless mind” is not one which is free from bad memories and sadness, but one which is free from hate and anger… And that’s what I want. I’ll never forget, but I can let all the hurt grow small in comparison to God’s promises for my future…and by practising forgiveness every day and trying to clean out all the anger and not giving the devil a foothold by indulging in it, maybe a “spotless mind” is not impossible after all…
